Sunday, May 09, 2004

Make Way for the King

Hello out there! I'm Dr. Gonzo and I'll be here to make you hate yourself if you support any of the following: herbivorism, japanese "performance" cars, caring about genetically inferior people (no, I am not referring to race), and any form of "lock box".

Let me clarify why those things are evil:
Herbivorism - There are two main reasons why people do not eat meat: conscience and health. Religious vegetarians are not herbivores, they are religious, and I have no gripe with them. Health nuts who claim that meat is unhealthy, though, should be pushed back into satan's asshole (the place from whence they have spawned). You can put me into a pit with any vegetarian, and I guaran-damn-tee that I can kick the shit out of them... then I'll eat their remains. And for treehuggers who don't want to see animals die? The Least Harm Principle says that humans should eat beef, lamb, and dairy. Not a vegan diet. That's right: not only do you kill more animals, but you are a hippie as well.

Japanese "Performance" Cars - For the price range, I guarantee that I can find you an american car that can whoop your "performance" car. Got a WRX or RSX? I've got a Mustang GT that'll slay you. Got an NSX? Wow, I know of a pickup truck (Dodge Ram SRT-10) that costs half as much as your car, goes much faster, and can haul a stack of drywall while doing it! Got a Civic? You drive an economy piece of shit, although the Chevy Cavalier will still whoop you...

Genetically Inferior People - First of all, I am not referring to race. As a matter of fact, many people who are hispanic like me fit into this category. I, however, am not a worthless piece of shit. If you can't afford to feed yourself: please die and rid us of your genes. I for one do not want to work my ass off day and night to pay for you to sit on your lazy ass and eat cheetos while watching TV. Some treehuggers say "well... what about if you were born into this situation?" Sounds to me like you have genetics from TWO mouth-breathers! Please, die before you can impregnate someone!

"Lock Box" - This is my shot at democrats: Bush was the right choice in 2000, and he will be right in 2004. If we had elected Gore, he'd be so busy talking of his lockbox that he wouldn't notice that Saddam Hussein is stealing the aforementioned box from behind him! John Kerry may be a hero, but so was Osama Bin Laden when he was working for the CIA. Maybe if he could make a damn decision on any issue at all I could see him and not laugh, but that will never happen so it is pointless.

Wow, Sudipta told me to write an intro... I sure hope you now have som idea of what I am like.

-Dr. Gonzo

Posted by Adam Gonzalez at 9:26 PM |

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